As a personal life blogger, I often struggle with sharing my life without over-sharing. This particular situation is one where I will be vague because it is personal, however it affects something I blog about often- running. I got the “no way” on returning to running yesterday. As someone who has identified herself as a runner for a number of years, this news is nothing short of heartbreaking. I feel like something important has been taken away without a proper chance to say good-bye. Was my half-marathon last June truly the Last Race I’ll ever run?! Say it ain’t so.
There are a few things I can do to improve my chances of returning to running in the distant future, but honestly, I’m not convinced I’ll be able to. My body has been through two pregnancies where I gained 40+ lbs each, labored VERY quickly with Liam and pushed both of my sons out within 10 minutes. Suffice it to say, pregnancy has not been gentle to me. Healing has to take place before I can go back to where I was last year.
The main issue I struggle with is that running to me was the only form of exercise I actually loved and was decent at. I’m not fast, by any means, but I can run for a long time. And I find real joy in it. To me, walking seems so wimpy. I don’t know how I’m going to reconcile these feelings with the fact my body is simply not able to do what I want it to. It feels so sad to me that something I love so much has been ripped away from me at the tender age of 32.
Liam is worth it though. I wouldn’t trade him for a million marathons. Obviously. But I am really sad and disappointed. And I just got a new jogging stroller for Mother’s Day! Oh the irony… Ryan has been sweet and said we’re going to map out my own Missy Marathon so I can complete the distance with Liam, stopping as necessary to breastfeed and eat. No Saggin’ Wagon with this one- you can take as long as you need to finish! Who wants to join me??